Okay, Art has given you the furrowed-brow forecast, now it’s my turn. And I’m going to take this opportunity to blow a little sunshine up your collective asses. Yes, it’s going to heat up pretty good, but instead of raging firestorms, all I see are clever ways to keep cool

and balmy evening sunsets with bbq’s and lots of hard cider and lemonade.

I’ll let Mr. Doomy-Pants sit in his lawn chair with his binoculars and scan the parched horizon for signs of firestorms whilst I kick back with a beer and a piece of bbq corn.

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The weather folke are forecasting some nasty heat the next few days - upwards to 106 on Thursday. And just for good measure, high winds to go with it. Not a good mix, considering fire season is upon us now and there is lots of dry grass in the hills already. And here I thought we were having an abnormally cool spring (and enjoying it).

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Its been a pretty crappy week here with Lisa having the flu most of the week and then I gradually succumbed to it by the weekend. We’ve all been sleeping a lot and playing a little Grand Theft Auto IV in between. Too tired / dead to do anything else more productive. Lisa sez I drive like crap - I figure its because I’m sick
In good news, we finally shipped the new router we’ve been working on at Cisco for the past 4+ years. Rah. Its nice to finally have it shipping to customers.

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Right on the glass!!! Art scored us tickets for game 5 of the playoffs Friday night, right on the glass behind the goal tenders net!!!! It was really awesome, (in my opinion…) mostly because when the players are going for the puck and it shoots past the net, they crash into the boards right behind the net. There’s a LOT of checking and action that happens right where we were sitting.

Both the Fraley’s (Paul and Liz) were on the big screen during one of the tv intermissions dancing and acting like fools (this is what you do at hockey games if you wanna get on the big screen, just like baseball….wear the team colors and be animated) Later, Paul spotted me and flipped me off, I returned the favor and we both felt the love. When in Rome…. That’s okay, he’s coming over tonight to help with our garden beds and watch the game. I’ll cook everyone some awesome bbq, we’ll insult each other, it’ll be great! I won $50 off of Art last time Paul was here because I bet him that the first thing Paul would do when he walked in the front door was make a b-line for the kitchen and ask if there was anything to eat. Art disagreed…..Paul had just had dinner at home, he wouldn’t be hungry. I was spot on…..first he went to investigate my plate full of dinner, then the carton of ice cream that was softening on the counter top. Eaasssssyyyy money!

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It’s the end of April and the weather is mighty fine, thank you very much! Both horses (Jack and Izzy) have been out at the trainers since early March and were supposed to return in early May. The trainer, however, injured her back and is not able to work both horses to their fullest potential, so she has offered to keep them another month at no cost. I’m happy with that because they need as much time away from home being exposed to ’stuff’ as possible. And as a bonus, it gives our pastures another month to grow. The turkeys have been scouting the pastures this year because for once there’s actually grass to pick at and I would assume more bugs and stuff to eat. This morning I came out of the shower and heard a turkey call that sounded like it was right outside the bathroom window. No, but it was in the driveway. A big tom turkey with his flock of girl turkeys pecking and nibbling their way up the driveway. I passed two bobcats in the road on the way down the hill this morning. Wildlife abounds this time of year.

Art the Husband has been taking riding lessons on Jack for the past few weeks. Art is tentative, Jack is, like “Okay, just hold on dude, if you go down, it’s not gunna be my fault”

And when Art is done, it’s my turn. Jack is very fun to ride, he’s easy going and really mellow.

Jack is very helpful, everyone loves him.

Izzy is a good girl, if a little bit of a handful at times. She throws temper tantrums when she gets frustrated or doesn’t want to do what is asked of her. So she will be getting full time training next month instead of the part time she’s been in. A little ‘attitude adjustment’ if you will.

One of my favorite things about living here are the sunsets and wonderful weather. It was about 75 degrees at around 8pm when I took this on my way home from Livermore. Fabulous.

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Mowing, mowing and more mowing. Now that the weather is decent here (for the most part - we’ve still being having frost a couple nites a week and its been ruining some of Lisa’s newly planted vegetables), everything is growing - fast. We have some field grass that is up to 3ft tall. I spent yesterday and today trying to bring some order to the yard, instead of letting it go and looking like a scene from I am Legend. Seriously tho - if humans disappeared tomorrow, I have no doubt in short order, nature would busily take over again.

Unfortunately, its also allergy season - I wish I could mow without wanting to claw my eyes out. Even with Allegra-D, its still pretty bad.

We went riding again yesterday. Was better this time - at least my butt didn’t hurt this time. Jack was his usual mellow self and I thanked him again for not pitching me to the ground.

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Since Lisa had a dog show this weekend, I went by myself for horse lessons. It was time to actually get on one of ‘em and take ‘em for a spin. Note that I have not been on a horse for 25+yrs. I really should have gotten a sign on my back that said “Student driver - stay back”. It was ok tho - I chose Jack because he’s been more mellow lately since he’s getting full-time training. I was glad for Lisa’s new saddle tho. Made it more like sitting in a easy chair - albeit it one that poops and tips side-side. I went thru the basics: forward, back, turns, braking, etc. Got the usual lecture about not popping the clutch, don’t ride the brakes, no Jack-rabbit starts. Overall it was fun. Jack wasn’t sure what to make of me tho. He looked back a couple times asking “do you have any clue what you are doing?”.

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I have been inspired, rather than demotivated by Andretti’s performance this weekend in Sacramento. Yes, he passed. Yes he got a title leg. But you know, there’s a lowest passing score for a reason; for my dog to aspire to. So, in a fit of inspiration and encouragement from readers of the previous post, I have decided to create unique Under-Achiever ribbons, to acknowlege the below-average achievements EVERY dog is capable of!

They will be in slightly ‘off’ colors from the standard AKC ribbons:

Death Pallor blue instead of bright royal blue
Dried Blood red instead of bright red
Pus yellow instead of bright yellow
Dirty White instead of bright white

(Can you tell I work in the Veterinary profession?)

They will be inscribed with words of off-handed observation (instead of pride of placement) such as:

‘That’ll Do’
‘Sort of Okay’
‘At Least You Showed Up’
‘Just Squeaked By’

And as an award of non-merit

‘What Were You Thinking’
‘We Didn’t Know the Bar Could Be Set That Low’
‘Almost Impressed’

Perhaps this is a bit harsh, I mean, he did pass. I’m just glad he doesn’t have fingers, because I’m pretty sure both me and the judge would have gotten the double bird from Andretti this weekend.

NOTE: These ribbons aren’t solely for the above mentioned purpose (dog show related crap). You could get creative and hand them out to dates that didn’t quite work out, husbands/wives/significant others who consistently fail to live up to expectations, employees that just don’t cut it, students who need encouragement when they give nothing to encourage. The possibilities are endless!

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This weekend Art made two purchases.

A new lawn mower:

And a pre-order of Grand Theft Auto 4:

I’ve just done the math, and have deduced that this just simply cannot be a good thing.

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What a waste of a day. I’m beginning to realize how much I don’t like dog shows and all the obsessive compulsive behavior that comes with them. I drove 2 hours to Sacramento last night, stayed in a hotel, then got up at the ass-crack of dawn to get to the fairgrounds by 7am. I spent the morning showing Dee, she did okay, she’s a pretty dog and getting more and more confident every show she goes to. Fine. Neat. That’s great. But standing around for hours waiting for Dretti’s class I had nothing better to do than people watch, people listen and shake my head a whole lot.

Please, please for the love of gawd, if I EVER show up wearing a shirt with my dogs profile fashioned in RHINESTONES on the back with some stupid phrase indicating how much I Love My Rottweiler……fucking motherfucking shoot me. Someone, please just put a bullet in my head. Same thing if you see me wearing ANYTHING that indicates freaky obsession. Nobody, NOBODY needs to be sporting a shirt proclaiming that “on the weekends, my irish terrier and I go barhopping” No shit, I saw this today. Freaky Freaks. Nor does anyone need a custom t-shirt with their dog’s photo screen printed onto the front of it. No rhinestone baseball caps with paw prints glittering across the brim, no denim jacket bedazzled with toy poodles.

Don’t misunderstand, I love my dogs, really I do. I particularly like the breed of dogs I have for a multitude of reasons, but I am not obsessed with collecting everything that has to do with them. NOT. No way, no how. I think I have an antique hood ornament that is a sprinting greyhound (from a 1927 Ford Lincoln Town Car), and, um….a decal on the wing window of the bronco. THAT’S IT.

These people are whack-jobs.

How did Andretti do today? you ask???? Dretti? Well, my dog is a shithead. A complete bung-hole. He competed (and I use that term very loosely) in obedience today and only passed by 6 points. 70 is a passing score (out of 100) Andretti got 76. He routinely gets 97, 98, 99 scores and an adoring horde of spectators. Today he was a complete bastard; wouldn’t heel, took forever to sit, refused to do one entire exercise, flew off covorting after going over the jump, ignored half of my commands (as if, perhaps, they were mere suggestions that he could take or leave). Oh well, when it comes down to it, technically he DID do what I requested, and earned the final leg of his advanced title. He didn’t get the lowest score, and he didn’t get a non-qualify score (he got the SECOND lowest score) so I have officially declared him an Advanced Underachiever.

Little Jerk-Face.

Anyone want a slightly used light brown greyhound with a smidge of an attitude?? I’ll let him go cheap, or trade for ?

I’m exhausted now. After the 2 hour drive home, I went out on the back porch where Art the Husband set up the chaise lounge with my favorite blanket and pillow and collapsed in the early evening sunshine while he rubbed my feet. Life is GOOD around here, lemme tell ya. Until Art’s girlfriend Paul showed up to watch the Detroit/Nashville game. Foot rubbing ceased and yelling at the tv began. Let me just state my opinion: The Predators DO NOT belong in the playoffs. They SUCK.

Now, I’ve made dinner for the two boys and I’m going to bed. With my big brown underacheiver in tow. I still love him. But seriously, make me an offer. My love is most def for sale.

xoxo, L.

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