Remember that one time, at your bachlorette party???

So, back in May, Miss G put together a bachlorette party for me with the girls from work (my favorite girls from work, of course). We went to The Cure and had manicures and Pedicures and drank Cosmopolitins (they serve alcohol there!!! awesome…)

Then we hopped on BART and went into the city to this place called Asia SF

It was….an experience! At Asia SF women who were men but aren’t anymore come out and dance on the bar. It’s an entire show that’s put on several times a night. You eat on one side of the bar and watch the show going on at the other side of the bar.

Tranny Fanny; this is, was, a man. She is drop dead gorgeous and she LOVED E’s hair. true.

These are former dudes too. Really. I swear, they are. I mean, were.

The show was fantastic, this chick was just really pretty, and really loved what she was doing as an entertainer.

We waited downstairs for a while before the show, all my girls could be pro dancers. Fer reals…

The food was out of this world good, the show was fantastic, the people I was with….better than everything combined.

G. HATES having her picture taken. I don’t know why, she’s very photogenic. And expressive too. Here she is giving a gelato icecream cone a complete workout AND telling me thru interpretive dance how she feels about me capturing the moment. Check out E. smirking and giggling in the background. G-force is always a complete entertainment package for E. Me too, truth be know.

Then all of a sudden it was really really REALLY late, and we were wasted, for the most part. Okay, so we weren’t so much wasted as really really REALLY tired.

Liz, Marianne, Brenda, Julie and I went out then next week for another party, when I get pictures from them I’ll post. We didn’t have trannies at that party, but Paul was there for a while and he wore a tiara and carried a fairy wand for a while. And there were cupcakes and alcohol and we painted stuff. You’ll just have to wait for the pictures!


Andretti’s 13 months now. Seems like yesterday he was a teeny-tiny squishy little puppy fresh off the plane from Colorado.

And then he just kept growing, and growing…..and well, you get the picture. It’s what baby animals do for a living….

Next week we’re off to Lompoc to visit with everyone and hopefuly do really well in the show ring. We’ll see. We’re going to have a great time, no matter! Dretti’s going to run a lure course on Saturday!!!! Go Dret Go!

What the…??

Um, this just seems….um…wrong? Do we, as a human race, really need to see a photo like this? People in Texas are just really….well….”off”.

What to do, what to do…..???

Since I won’t be doing research anymore, it seems a perfect time to daydream about things I COULD do for a living (who are we kidding, I’m going back to Veterinary Medicine) But hey, maybe not! Maybe I could be a Rally car driver!!!!!! That would be AWESOME!! E says it’s perfectly safe!
(click on the link right down there!)
CA drivers
This would be SO TOTALY FABULOUS!!!!!!
Until I broke my neck or something. But man, how cool would it be getting up for “work” everyday????!??!
I could SO totaly do this…..

No thanks, we have a dog…..

We hate to dissapoint anyone, or everyone, really we do. BUT WE ARE NOT HAVING KIDS. Honest-injun. No way, no how. So, for all those grinning fools who smile “knowingly” and say things like “well, maybe not right NOW” and “oh, you’ll change your mind”…….
No. We won’t.
But if we ever did…..I imagine it would go something like this

But it aint’ gunna happen.
So stop smiling “knowingly” and winking at your husband or wife slyly as I explain to you how it just isn’t going to happen. Because that pisses me off. It amuses Art, to a degree, but it just plain pisses me off. No offense to anyone who has a bunch of kids (p and p, shannon; you guys are the exceptions I’m making, cuz you guys are awesome, kids and all; y’all just plain rock). But Art and I are really old enough to have thought it through, and we stand behind the concept of “just because you have the equipment doesn’t mean you’re obligated to use it”.
Wow I get wound up on this subject.
Don’t get me wrong, we love kids, they are a great source of amusement for us. They are so easy to teach fun gross stuff to, and dirty words and creative epitaths. But you know….oh, okay, just go take a look at this. This is just…..well, they make me wanna rip my hair out. And not the hair on my head.

P.S. Again, shout out to Natalie Dee for the cartoon. Y’all really should go visit her website, she sells really neato stuff with her artwork on it.

What happened…?

Someone, please, tell me at what point in time did this happen? It wasn’t getting married. This has been going on for a while. Sometime after Art and I met, and before right now. There was a point in time, not so long ago, when Art would get all hot and bothered over the idea of a trip to Frys. I would start salivating (Pavlovian reflex) at the hint of an REI shopping adventure. And it’s not that either of us has lost all interest in these things, but…um….well, here. This is actual transcript of a couple of conversations Art and I have had in the past 24 hours.

L: “Okay, so I went a little overboard shopping this afternoon”
A: sigh “Uh-huh…, what’s the damage”
L: “Well, actualy, I made out pretty good for what we spent. Lessee here, I got 2 bags of wet cob feed, one bag of dry cob feed, one bag of oat groats, another bag of dog food, a good sturdy rope for catchin’ sheep, a soft cotton rope for hobbling, an emasculator…”
A: “A what? What’s….”
L: “never mind sweetie, you really don’t wanna know…anyway….um, they were out of sheep wormer but they should have it in next week”
A: “ohh oh oh, did you check on the fencing? Did they have it?”
L: “oops, sorry, they have it but I forgot…..”


A: “so I’ve been looking around and it looks like there’s a place in Concord that has a bunch of baseboards and stuff, you should go check it out”
L: “ooooh, yeah, I bet they’ll have something that will work”
A: “yeah, and the Wooden Duck is having a sale next weekend, we should go and check it out”
L: “good idea, oh, yeah and we really need to do something about the plumbing in the kitchen, I can’t wait to have water from the refrigerator again. I’m so excited….”
A: “uh, yeah, plumbing…oh, I can check to see where the ants are coming in while I’m down there. Do you know where we put the Tyvek suits and masks and stuff?”

What the hell happened??????? So today, before the conversation about over spending AT THE FEED AND FARM SUPPLY STORE (I mean, come on, who knew it was possible to blow too much money at a feed store???), I made a little side trip to Frys Electronics.
For old time’s sake.

They’re supposed to pull this cuz it’s nasty, so Art and I agreed, it’s a must have.

There. Now we have a Mac in the house and Art can stop whining about NEEEEEDDDDINGGG a Mac. I call it Kermit.

P.S. if you like the cartoon, visit the website.

Meet Clark-Bar

We are officialy stocking The Farm.
Meet Clark, the goat. We call him Clark-Bar.

He’s 4 months old, Toggenburg whether and he loves Art. He wears a collar and walks on a leash. Weird.

Riddle me this…..

Q: How many sheep can Art and Lisa fit in the back of a Ford Bronco?

A: six.

No shit (well, actualy, there was quite a lot of shit. I mean, really a lot a lot of shit. The smell was…..unreal. An hour and a half drive home with 6 EXPLODING sheep in 90 weather….plehhhhh!) Six.
They’re called Dorper sheep, they’re shearless, and wicked cute. But man oh man. These guys yelled and screamed all the way home, and about halfway there every little bit of pellet-poo they were producing turned to diarrhea and they went off like a timed sprinkler system. All over the back of the Bronco. Thank GAWD they were confined to dog crates. But still, it got everywhere.


So I broke up with Chiron. But we’re still friends. They just get to keep the house and the kids and I don’t have a key to the place anymore. And I am SO cool with that. No, really. The alarm doesn’t go off at 4:30 in the morning anymore, and Art is SO HAPPY about that. Me tooooooo…….

It’s been about 3 weeks, and Art says I’m much more relaxed now days.

Gee. I wonder why?

This is NOT your typical neighborhood fauna

This is, um, the wilderness. As in wild stuff lives here. We are guests. Interlopers. Lots of snakes. Bigguns. The frogs are huge, and were here for a while when it was still green. Toads and frogs. They dissapeared when it stopped raining and started turning golden brown. The peepers are still down by the creek, and we found more than a couple when we tore down the woodshed (more on that later)mr. toad
And then there’s the furry variety; skunks, oppossums, raccoons, coyotes, fox, porcupine (not so much “furry” as “sharp and quite pointy in places”), deer, elk, bobcats, cougar, wild boar and a plethora of various rodent-type vermin. We’ve seen all but the sneaky cougar and the stinky, angry, wild boar, but the neighbors promise they are definitely around.
And the wildlife up here is just….cocky. I mean, really unimpressed with humans. These are not your standard suburban wildlife. This is the real deal. They are ballsy, they give you dirty looks when you come up on them on the road. This bobcat gave me “stink eye” and then jumped onto a low branch of a tree next to the road. I stood not even 10 feet from him and took pictures for a good 5 minutes before he rolled his eyes in disgust and sauntered off.
here kitty kitty kitty
And then there’s THIS little bastard.

This little worthless piece of fur and I are embroiled in a battle of the wits, to the death. Serious. He’s destroyed more stuff than I care to mention in the barn (the closed up, impenetrable barn), eats all the cats food every night, rips into boxes, trash cans, defiles my jeep, brazenly commandeers my Bronco and made himself a latrine in one of the lofts (in the impenatrable barn). His ass is MINE. Besides the nightly destruction, these little bastards carry rabies and baylascaris (a deadly zoonotic form of roundworm, yes, Rob, it will kill your ass. This is the one that causes cysts in the brain, and all raccoons carry it) Therefore, he must die. Or submit to being captured and relocated, where, he will die. Raccoons have very tight territories. When I relocate him, he WILL be invading someone else’s territory. A battle will ensue and someone will be deemed the winner and someone else, well, deadmeat. I don’t screw around when it comes to cysts in my brain.