Tea, Interrupted

My best friend Elizabeth came over today (after Dretti and I went to see the skin doc for his buckshot face, I’ve been calling him ScabMaster for the past month) Dretti has localized bacterial folliculitis. Uh, yeah, like, I knew that. Tell me something I didn’t know? The skin doc smiled and said “It’s also known as SWAG….you’re a tech, you know what SWAG is, right?” I pondered ever so briefly and could only come up with a mental picture of an evergreen bough nailed to my front door round ’bout Christmas time. But this is May, so no, I doubt that’s what he’s refering to. I smiled and said “hmmm, no, care to elaborate?” Doering smiled real wide and said “Scientific Wild Ass Guess, I have no idea what’s causing this, but we’ll start with bacterial folliculitis and see if some abx won’t clear it up” Ha ha, he’s so very clever. SWAG. Cute. These abx will most likely give my dog the running shits, but SWAG, that’s very clever. Jas, you should use that one. You’re a doctor, you’re quite clever. It’ll sound good coming outta your mouth.

So anyways, E came over and we played with Q and loitered for a while. Then we locked the dogs up and headed down the hill for lunch, a little shopping and a movie (we were going to see The Invisible. I saw The Condemned yesterday. I’m on a two word movie kick this week. I’m gunna go see 28 Weeks Later on Friday. I know, that’s three words, but technicaly 28 is a number, so it doesn’t count 😛 )

We had appetizers for lunch at a casual-posh little place called Straits at Santana Row.

Anyways, we ate frites and towers of tartar and spring rolls and a salad called gado gado. We drank ginger lemongrass soda and mango mojitos. We people watched and talked about people we know and people we don’t know, we discussed the limits and boundaries of sanity and so on and so on. We watched Aussie Poker Championships and giggled at their “poker faces” (I really liked the old dude with the funky cowboy hat, aviator shades and a severe poker poker face…I’m pretty sure he was someone’s uber badass grandpa. The grandpa you DON’T wanna spend the summer with cuz he’ll make ya ‘learn to be a man’, even if yer a gurl)

We went to the Papersource and lingered, we went to Sur la Table and purchased cleaning spray and a TeaPosy (more on that in a minute. I wasn’t going to get it, but E reminded me that Mother’s Day is forthcoming, and I’m a mother in so many many ways. hmmm. I guess, maybe. Um. Yeah.) and a wine bottle opener (otherwise known as a corkscrew). We meandered over to Mai Do in search of something to hold my precious pens in at work. We did not find anything. We lingered WAY longer than we needed to at Anthropology, sprayed perfume, picked at clothes and bugged our eyeballs out at the prices. Then we decided the moment had passed for seeing a movie, and we went home to make tea. Yay for tea parties!

So, the TeaPosy. Um, yeah. I know, sounds little….foppish. And, well, it is. But I LIKE tea, a lot. And this was, well, kinda cool. Here…check it out and try not to wet yourself over the image of me trying to Live a Life Most Beautiful through a mere cup of tea. So like I was saying, we went home and decided to have a little girl tea party (Art was still at work). Here’s how it went down:

Open the box and remove componants of Tea Posy. Choose flavor of tea ball (E has good taste, she chose the one called Lady Fair, a blend of jasmine ‘to nip tension’ and Lily to ‘clear the airways and calm your butterflies’. I checked, I didn’t have any butterflies and neither did E, but you know, what could it hurt?)

Read instructions (tres important, people! This is TEA we’re talking about, blooming tea if you want to be specific…instructions are to be read, re-read and followed to the letter. This is where our military training and strict code of discipline came into play…wait, we don’t have that. Nevermind) Anyways, the cups were tres petite, we decided this was absolutely adorable.

Do not laugh, these are the very real instructions, I shit you not:

I boiled water, E unwrapped the decidedly unimpressive nugget of tea goodness

It is tea, trust me, not the queen-mother of all buds.

As you can see, this is the REAL Geisha-Me (E’s alter-ego) as indicated on her stylish Medical ID bracelet. Do not be fooled by cheap imitations!

Just add water and….Viola! I mean, Voila!!!!

The weird little nugget-thing grew and moved and quite frankly freaked us both out just a little bit. But it was awesome, and smelled so yummy.

The tea? It wasn’t so bad, especially as we drank it down and added more water and let it steep some more. Tea party for two, very awesome.*

Resplendant with pinky toss, of course. NOTE: the look of peace on E’s face. Mmmmmmmm, tea posy!

And we were at peace; all was well, jasmine and lily was soothing our butterflies and nipping whatever tension we imagined we might have….and then Art crashed the party. With a snake. A rattlesnake. In an empty water bottle. Which, according to him was not empty as he attempted to kill said rattlesnake in the driveway by throwing the previously full water bottle at it repeatedly until it was quite dead**. He then emptied the bottle and scooped his prey up to drag into the house and proudly display to his mistress. Hmmm. I think I had a cat that did this when I was a kid. Anyway, needless to say, party OVER.

Yeah, so, like I said, this was just a more grown up version of a boy with a crawly thing crashing the girl’s girl party. Sigh.

Neat. So E proclaimed that we, as a couple, were getting a little too weird living up here on the hill, and that perhaps we should consider moving back to ‘society’. She gathered her things, plucked up Pixel, blew kisses and trundled off to a home devoid of snakes and husbands. I’ll admit, I’m a little disturbed that my husband was out in the driveway hurling a waterbottle at a living creature, repeatedly, even if it was a nasty little rattlesnake. This is the second one we’ve killed in less than 48 hours. Where there is one, there is a nest of them. Upwards of a dozen or more. They can kill livestock (which we have) and my dogs (even though Dee and Drett have had the vaccine, oops, they need their boosters, like, yesterday), they can cause major problems. The adults, ehh, they’re smart enough to stay hidden and will usually disapear before you get close enough to get bit, but the babies, like the ones we’ve dispatched in the past two days, they’re young and stupid, they will fuck your shit UP, seriously. They strike at ANYTHING that moves, repeatedly. They are very venomous. They have a nubbin of a rattle, so you will not hear a warning rattle at all (the single rattle is still moist and solid at this age, it doesn’t rattle at all) So, when we see them, they set them loose their mortal coil (no pun intended). I do not like killing anything, but up here you do what you gotta do to keep everyone safe. It’s a shame, they really are very beautiful creatures. Albeit with a permenant scowl, it seems (although, if my last vision was a huge man hurling a bottle of spring water at my head, I dare say I’d scowl too)

As a parting thought: as you can see, this is a very small snake.

Do not be fooled by it’s smallishness; it was a very dangerous snake, extremely dangerous. Put you in the hospital dangerous.

However, I am perplexed at the thought process my 6 foot 1 inch tall size 11 shoe husband was going through as he proceeded to choose to water-bottle this tiny thing to death rather than just monkey stomp it’s head with his rather gargantuan foot. I don’t get it.
I’m drawing a Complete.Blank.

(that was a GREAT movie by the way, Gross Pointe Blank. The soundtrack rocks as well)

* For those of you inclined to wonder silently to yourselves, yes, I do have the ugliest freakin’ counter tile/kitchen cabinet combo known to man. I gag a little everytime I go into my kitchen. Fact. Ask Art.

**I really REALLY hope it was too dark for our neighbors up the hill to actually see Art doing his freaky snake-death-dance in the driveway. I suppose it sorta looked like someone swatting at angry wasps from a distance….the big dancing guy looking a little crazy as he throws the smack down on…well, the driveway.

4 thoughts on “Tea, Interrupted

  1. i saw the wet asphalt at the bottom of the driveway, Art’s battleground. that thing still gave me the willies.

    you didn’t outline our fab tea party menu! who knew the odds & ends in your fridge & yard were so delishy?

  2. So- It isn’t the size of the snake….?

    The tea blossom was pretty spectacular- though I am not much of a tea drinker. I hope Dretti can heal up soon. I’d hate for the neighboring dogs to yell Leper as he runs by.

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