Selling stuff we’re not moving

Its a good thing Lisa has a flair for writing ad-copy – cuz, if it were left up to me, not only would the ads be boring, we’d probably not sell a damn thing…

For example, here’s the ad for the dresser I’ve had for 10+yrs:

Slightly grotty dresser,

It’s a perfectly good dresser, I’m sure you can count drawers so I’m not going to list the details. There is just one problem with this piece of furniture (no, a stray cat did not give birth in one of the drawers, no body parts were stored in it, it does not have a false bottom that leads to an alternate evil universe)…the top is mucked up a bit from an aquarium with a slow leak. I don’t know if this can be sanded down and restained? I’m not a master woodworker, so I just don’t know. I do know a runner will cover it nicely. Otherwise it functions just like a normal dresser should. It does not eat socks, that I know of. Two go in, two come out. Unlike a certain clothes drier I know, no names mentioned.

Or the one for the old couch of her’s:

Loveseat that never saw any lovin’

This love seat was my first piece of furniture after a really crappy relationship went tits up. I loved this piece of furniture. I cried myself to sleep on it, woke up hungover on it, spent years nurturing my insomnia on it, watched countless seasons of MST3K on it then packed it up and moved to California with it. It does not suck. It ROCKS.
It measures appx 80inches long and 36inches deep. The covers on the cushions can be removed and be washed in the washing machine (it’s suck-up-all-the- dirt-and-proudly-display-it-beige denim, very durable)
It’s so comfie to sleep on, you’ll love it, but probably not as much as I loved it.

The ad for the crappy old TV is the best I think:

I remember watching Good Times on this

and Three’s Company, Growing Pains, the Facts of Life, Webster, Punky Brewster, Gilligan’s Island, the Partrige Family and the Banana Splits. It’s like, from the long long ago. The before time. Pre-cable.

It’s an RCA-100. Wooah. With a REMOTE CONTROL. Bonus! and…..a table top antenna!!! Get out!

I don’t know how big the screen is, we’re moving and I can’t find the tape measurer. But I do have a banana. For scale. Oh wait, my husband says it’s 19inches. Oh well, I’ll leave the banana for interest. Please be interested.

We’ve moved on. But that doesn’t mean you have to! It’s very cool to be “vintage”! And this tv is definitely that.

This banana is closer than it appears

Ya know, if I didn’t already own all this shit, I might actually buy it..